


Captain Tight Pants (One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater Remix)

by Neverever



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon)
Genre: Getting Together, Inappropriate Erections, Innuendo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29599506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever
Summary: The serum gave Steve a hair trigger and sexy Tony Stark sure isn't helping.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 106
Collections: 2021 Captain America/Iron Man Remix Madness





	Captain Tight Pants (One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jellybeanforest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Bone to Pick With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25865890) by [jellybeanforest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest). 
  * In response to a prompt by [jellybeanforest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest) in the [2021_Cap_Ironman_Remix_Madness](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2021_Cap_Ironman_Remix_Madness) collection. 



> Written for 2021 Cap-IM Remix Madness. Hope you like the remix, jellybeanforest!

The serum both gave and took away.

The serum had its perks -- Steve didn’t have allergies any longer, he couldn’t get sick, and he could run for days. The downsides -- he couldn’t get drunk, he had to eat thousands of calories a day to fuel his super soldier body, and he ran hot all the time.

All in all, he could live with the inconveniences, considering everything that he had gained.

Except right now here in Tony’s workshop, Steve wished he’d never heard of the serum.

The serum had gifted Steve a hair trigger … and Tony had all the right assets for setting him off.

The Howling Commandos had not ever let Steve live it down during the war. Steve Jr. liked to lead the way whenever they attacked a HYDRA base. At least the uniform hid the worst of it. But official events and dances were fraught with danger. 

“Bringing your third leg along?” Falsworth would ask. Snickering, Dugan would push Steve towards the Red Cross Doughnut Dollies and wait for the carnage.

It was the adrenaline, the doctors would explain. All men could get stiffies with adrenaline and excitement. It wasn’t always sexual.

But damn it, Steve was worse that a 13-year old boy around Tony. 

All he needed was one wink or a hip shake from Tony and Steve was enthusiastically saluting the flag. It was more embarrassing than his freshman year in high school when he read his book report and Mary Flaherty in the first row crossed her legs. Arnie told him that everyone felt that way about Mary.

_Worst of all, Tony had noticed._

Steve had wanted to slink away and hide for days. He’d hoped desperately to maybe talk Tony into a date. Somewhere nice where Steve could show that he was suave, clever and ‘with it.’ Popping a boner the minute Tony walked into a room was not the way to do that.

The day hadn’t started off right. The team had to scramble first thing to counter an AIM attack. And Tony had winged it all day. No planning; all gut and intuition. He’d nearly gotten the team killed by going off half-cocked.

On the ride back home, Tony had blown off Steve’s concerns, saying Steve was too rigid and stuck in the mud. Tony hadn’t even hit the showers with the rest of the team. Instead he headed off for his workshop.

Steve followed him right down to the workshop, ready to talk it out. Better to make peace than to go to bed angry.

Except that he arrived just as Tony was stripping out of the armor. He was standing over the pile of armor in that black, figure-hugging undersuit that always got Steve all lathered up.

Steve hoped to hell that he wasn’t drooling as he watched Tony bend over to pick up a piece of armor. This was exactly the sort of dream that Steve had. In the shower, by himself, with his hand. Often.

“Is this about the laser sharks? Because no one would have guessed --” Tony snapped.

The laser sharks had slipped Steve’s mind. 

“No one, Steve, would have been able to plan on MODOK creating a whole school of laser sharks. Not even you.”

“There was a mission brief --”

“Argggh,” Tony replied, throwing up his arms.

Tony meant to come off as angry. All Steve could see was sexy Tony in that undersuit. Tony had unfastened the collar, and Steve could see a tantalizing flash of skin. At that minute Steve understood why Victorians went crazy at seeing an ankle. Such a sight was downright erotic in ways that stark nakedness wasn’t.

The undersuit hugged Tony’s body and left little to the imagination. Except Steve had a lot of ideas about exactly how to work Tony out of that suit.

And then Steve sensed that his body was giving Tony a standing ovation for his undersuit design.

They were supposed to be in the middle of an argument. Not a banter session.

“Look, I’m not in the mood to be chewed out. I’ve got places to be. So save it for tomorrow.”

Tony had a remote control in his hand as he walked past Steve. He’d caught Steve before with that trick of locking the doors on the workshop on him to trap him. But Steve was the last person to be caught out on a trick like that twice.

“Tony --” Steve said, putting a hand on Tony’s arm as he passed.

“What --”

Tony tripped over his feet, twisting around and landing against Steve, his back thudding into Steve’s chest. Steve instinctively leaned forward to snatch the remote out of Tony’s hand.

“Whoa -- are you happy to see me or do you usually pack a pool cue in your uniform pocket?” Tony said. 

Steve froze, now holding the remote in a death grip, the thin metal creasing under his fingers. He could really use disappearing powers right now. “Um --”

“The trouser snake sure says something,” Tony said, his voice rising in amusement.

One thing, Tony hadn’t moved from where he was. He hadn’t fled screaming from Steve. Maybe Steve wouldn’t die of embarrassment just yet.

“I’m sorry -- it’s a thing that happens when --”

“Hey, I’m a guy too. I get it.” Tony nudged Steve to let him go. “Knock on the morning wood and all that.”

Steve continued, “I sincerely apologize. I would never --”

Turning around to face Steve, Tony now had a teasing grin on his face. “Never what, Steve?”

“You know, um.” Steve blushed furiously and coughed. 

“After that debut of Mr. Johnson Extra Large, I’d say you’d owe me dinner.”

Steve shook his head. “Dinner?”

“Yeah, I can ditch my meeting.”

“Gosh, Tony.”

“My treat.” Tony’s grin widened into a wolfish grin. “I’m interested in making more of an acquaintance of all of you.”

Steve didn’t think he would ever stop blushing or sporting wood if Tony kept looking at him like that. 

Tony leaned in and said in a low voice that sent even more sparks down Steve’s spine, “Good thing I have a size kink.”

Steve nearly swallowed his tongue. “Tony --”

“Grab a shower and find some good clothes. I’m taking you to my favorite restaurant tonight.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good at taking orders as well as giving them.” Tony nudged Steve again. “I think we’re going to have a lot of fun together, Captain Tight Pants.”


End file.
